When Will This Feeling Go Away?!

I haven't lived with my ex for almost two years... I don't even have a joint bank account with Josh (who is really good with money by the way!) and yet I still get a sinking feeling every time I check my bank account. I hate it. I'm the only one who spends money on that account. I know exactly how much is in there... So why do I dread checking it? I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I log onto the bank website... or even think about logging on.

When I was married to my ex-husband our bank account was in the negative more times a month than it was positive. Some times it wouldn't even go into the positive on paydays. It was bad. Unfortunately, for my ex it hasn't changed... I still get e-mails from the bank telling me that the account ending in **** is now in the negative. (I wish he would change the e-mail address on there already!) When we were married I would dread logging on to the account not only because it was in the negative, but because I would then see where the money was going. I didn't have a car.... I very rarely left the house (when he wasn't on deployment)... I hardly ever spent the money unless it was for groceries, our son or bills. I always knew what I was going to see when I logged on. I was going to see charge after charge for ATM withdrawals, cigarettes, alcohol, fast food and gas. I'm talking hundreds of dollars a month on each of these things. Mostly at places on base or just off base at a local bar. It makes me sick just thinking about it right now.

I know my life is completely different now.... I just wish my subconscious mind would keep up.

Forget What You Think You Know - Oh the Possibilities!

When you find out that you're going to have your first baby you do like most women do and get prepared.... by reading books, magazines, internet articles. By taking parenting classes. By talking to your mom or your friends who have already had kids....

Then your baby arrives.

Everything you read about, talked about and learned about goes out the window. It becomes a learn as you go type of process. Sure, some of the things you learned about during your pregnancy might apply to you and your baby, but you also learn that your baby might not go by the book.

I know my first baby didn't.

My oldest always seemed to take his time with everything that he did. He arrived 2 weeks after my due date... (he had to be evicted because he was just so warm and snug that he didn't want to come out.) He didn't sit up til he was 8 months old. Started crawling at 10 months. Walked at 14. He didn't start talking well until he was almost 3. He didn't understand the potty training concept until just a few weeks ago... and he's almost 3 and a half.

That's just him... He's like his mama and takes his time with things. I think he wants to be sure that he gets it right before he actually does it.


When you find out that you're pregnant with baby number two you might think to yourself that this is going to be a piece of cake. (I know I did.) You think to yourself that you've done all this before.... baby #1 was almost like your "practice" baby. Now you're a professional. You've been through it all and now you're totally prepared for another baby.

Then baby number two arrives.

Everything you thought you knew has now gone out the window. Baby number two is nothing like baby number one! Where did this child come from?! He's the complete opposite of his brother!

There must have been some sort of mix up at the hospital.... 


I quickly learned that, yes it's true... every baby IS different. Even if they're related. I thought I knew everything I needed to know when I got pregnant with Brady. I thought surely another boy of mine wouldn't be that different than his older brother. I was wrong.

I was thinking about all of this earlier today when I was watching my 2 boys fighting playing together in the living room. Where did this 16 month old child come from?! He's screaming, talking, running, fighting, playing, jumping, singing.... He's doing everything that my 3 year old is doing. I don't remember Camron being like this at 16 months old. But I guess that's just it. Brady has an older brother. Camron just had me. Makes me wonder what Brady would be like if he were an only child.

From the time he was born Brady seemed like he couldn't wait to do things! Rolling over at a few weeks old. Sitting up at 4-5 months. Crawling at 6 months and walking by 9 months. He's been playing side by side with his brother ever since. Was he just trying to keep up with his brother... or is that just him? I'll never know.

What I do know is that this has been a huge test of my patience learning experience for me. I love learning about their personalities, seeing them grow and learn new ideas and concepts. They constantly amaze me when they learn new things.


Now baby number three is in the works. :) We're in the "talking about it"/"considering the possibilities" phase of it right now. We haven't officially told anyone yet, but I think a few people are suspecting. Well, if anyone in our families is reading this... consider yourself in-the-know... but no talking about it! (:::cough::cough:::Annie!:cough:::) When it happens it happens.... :)

I'm sure that baby number 3 will be no different than my first two... (Read: I will have no idea what I'm doing when the baby arrives.)

I'm excited, nervous, happy and scared all at the same time about the possibility of a new baby... a new baby with the man of my dreams. One thing will be for sure. This experience will be completely different than the previous two. I can't wait to share about this new chapter coming up in our lives.

This is going to get interesting....

Padres Game Night with my Grandparents

The older I get the more I realize how important family is... So when Josh came home and told me that his mom was giving us 8 tickets to 2 Padres game for a Thursday and Friday night game we knew just who we wanted to bring! My Grandma and Grandpa Looney! (yes, Looney is their real last name.) Grandpa is a HUGE Padres fan. Ever since I can remember he'd be listening to the game on his little radio while sitting outside in their backyard.

*And just as a side note... Josh's parents didn't go because his dad can't sit that long through a game and I don't think his mom cares for baseball.. at all. ;) *

We decided to bring my grandparents to Thursday's night game. It was so much fun! I'm glad we were able to take them with us. We had pretty awesome seats and there was hardly anyone seated around us. My grandpa bought us hot dogs, hot chocolate and some peanuts to share. Only thing I would have changed was the weather! It was FREEZING that night!

Josh refuses to smile... but I love seeing my grandma
in the background of this picture! :)

Yeah... My camera doesn't take very good pictures when
I zoom in this far.

We're winning!

My grandma and I. :)

On Friday night's game we took my friend Teresa and her husband Robert. Soooo thankful we didn't take my grandparents that night. We had some loud, drunk, obnoxious guys sitting behind us. They left before the 7th inning though because they stopped serving alcohol. It was still fun though!

I'm not by any means a baseball fan, but I think I actually like going to the games. Watching baseball in person is a lot different than on TV.

What's for Dinner: Easy Lasagna

I've been thinking about making some Lasagna for awhile now. There were a couple things stopping me from making it:
1) I've only made it once before... and that was several years ago.
2) It takes FOREVER since you have to cook the noodles AND the meat and then bake it.

So yesterday afternoon I search the net for an easier lasagna recipe that I could try out. The one I found and used came from Tammy's Recipes ... I just changed around some of the ingredients because I like to make my own sauce. I also did my own sauce because I read in one of the comments that the noodles soaked up all the liquid... and I didn't want it to be dry. If you want to see the original recipe click the link above. ;)

A simple, delicious homemade lasagna recipe
12 servings

1 egg, beaten
3-4 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
2 cups (16 ounces) cottage cheese
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, divided
1 tablespoon dried parsley (or 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley)
1 lb. ground beef
1 medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
4-5 cups spaghetti sauce*
1/4 - 1/2 cup water**
12 lasagna noodles, uncooked

*To make my own sauce I used:
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can tomato sauce
1 can tomato paste
**I ended up with a really thick sauce so I had to add some water to it for the noodles to soak up. It worked out perfectly. Plenty to sauce was left after the noodles cooked. It's up to you how much water to use.
1. In a mixing bowl, combine egg, 1 1/2-2 cups of the mozzarella cheese, the cottage cheese, 1/4 cup of the parmesan cheese, and the parsley. Stir until well-blended.
2. Brown meat with garlic and onion. Drain grease and return to skillet. Stir in diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, tomato paste and water, mixing thoroughly.
3. Spread 1 cup of the sauce mixture into the bottom of a 9 x 13 baking dish. Top with a layer of three lasagna noodles, one-third of the cheese mixture, and 1 cup of the sauce. Repeat layers twice.
4. Top with remaining three lasagna noodles (if lasagna is getting too "tall" for your dish, press the lasagna noodles down to flatten it a little) and the rest of the sauce. Sprinkle the remaining 1 1/2-2 cups of mozzarella cheese and the remaining 1/4 cup of parmesan cheese on top. Cover with greased foil.
5. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Uncover dish and bake an additional 25 minutes, until top is browned and noodles are tender. Remove from oven and let stand for 10-15 minutes before serving.

Family History - I'm Hooked!

For the past several weeks I've been keeping busy with researching my family tree. I think I'm starting to drive Josh a little crazy with it. I've done some research in the past (around 2003 maybe?) and I didn't find much further than my great great grandparents. I had always been told that my family hasn't been in America for very long so I figured that I wouldn't be able to find much... I was told that my dad's side was Irish/French Canadian/Native American (no one knew about the Indian side..). I was told that my mom's side was Italian. What I found out was that there's so much more to the story!

I think what sparked my interest was that new show that comes on NBC called "Who Do You Think You Are?" I was watching the episode with Sarah Jessica Parker... where her ancestor was part of the Salem Witch Trials. Little did I know that I probably should have been paying closer attention. (More about that later.)

I started asking Josh about his family and where they came from. He had no idea. He barely knows  anyone beyond his own immediate family. His family members keep adding me as a friend on Facebook. When I ask him who they are he'll say, "I don't know... a cousin or something..." So I decided to ask his mom.

I figured his mom would be my best chance to learn more... She helped me out by giving me a few pedigree charts from their family history folder. That was MORE THAN enough to get me started! 

As soon as I got them home I filled in my Personal Ancestral File with the info from the charts she gave me. Then I went on to see what I could find. (Birth records, death records, marriage records, etc, etc, etc.) I found a gold mine of information!! Not only on his side of the family, but on mine as well. The more I found the more into it I got. 

I signed up for the 14 day free trial and planned to cancel it, but I'm STILL finding out stuff so I think I'll pay for a month or two.

So back to the Salem Witch Trials... In that episode with Sarah Jessica Parker she learned about her 13th great grandmother Esther Ellwell. Turns out that her great grandmother and MY great grandmother (9th), Rebecca Dike (maiden name Dolliver) not only knew each other, but were both (along with Abigail Rowe) accused of using witchcraft against a woman named Mary Fitch. How crazy is that? I was watching that episode and learning about my (9th) great grandmother without even knowing it. :)

There's so much more I've been learning about our family that I never knew before. No one told me that we were some of the first settlers in America... Josh's family too... I also had no idea that I had so much French blood in me... Or that my 3rd great grandmother was full blooded Argentine and was adopted by an Irish family.

I could go on and on... but I'll save some for another post. I'll end with 2 pictures. One is a picture I found of Josh's great-great grandfather, Frands Peter Hansen Petersen. The other is a recent picture of Josh. Don't these 2 look very similar?