Knowing the end is so near, yet you never know exactly when the process will start. Could it happen in the next few hours? Or are there still days... weeks left? I know for sure it will be within the next 2.5 weeks, but WHEN?! Is this yet another false contraction I'm having? Or is this the beginning of active labor? Will I know or will I deny it for hours like I did with my other non induced labors? Are we going to make it to the hospital in time? Where will my kids be when I go into labor? Will I be alone with them? Will it be in the middle of the night or when my 2 oldest are in school? 

It's so easy to say keep distracted... Read a book... Keep your mind on something else... Play with your kids... Go clean something... 

It's HARD! 

It's always in the back of my mind. Nagging at me. I'm almost to my breaking point. 

Almost. 

When I reach that point and I feel like I just can't take another second will it start? Or will I be forced to go another week? 

It's easy to be on the outside looking in. It's easy to say, "Hey, your due date isn't even until next Thursday! Relax!" It's easy to sit on the outside while I go through hours of false labor contractions and wonder why I'm so anxious. I didn't think I would be this anxious about the end, but I am. I'm driving myself crazy. I just want the waiting game to stop. I just want the prodromal labor to stop torturing me day in and day out. 

I want a normal pregnancy where the start of labor is clear. I want there to be a pattern to my labor contractions unlike my previous ones which made me question things. 

I just want to have my baby in my arms already!!! 

Please? 

Crazy, right?

I'm the worst blogger on the planet... Oh well. So yeah, I found out I was pregnant with a happy surprise at the beginning of October when AF never showed up. I decided to take a test just for the heck of it thinking that there was no way it would be positive. After all, I had JUST given away the last of my baby gear and had sold off all of my baby carriers so that we could start buying toddler sized ones. 

Do you SEE how bright blue that line is?! It popped up within seconds of taking the test. There was no second guessing if there was a second line or not. I was shocked to say the least. 

It's taken me a long time to actually come to terms with being pregnant yet again. We weren't supposed to have any other babies! Ashlyn was it. Four kids was "our number". 

I'm still in shock about the whole thing, but we're all so excited for baby Jase to arrive! Yes! Another boy! (I'm pretty sure Ashlyn was a total fluke...)

And this brings me to today... 37 weeks and 5 days along. 

I can't believe that some time in the next few weeks our newest family member will arrive! I'm looking forward to writing out his birth story... It seems like that's the only thing I actually manage to blog about in a semi-timely manner. ;)