I knew that you didn't really care when you went 18 months without seeing the boys (Brady was 2 days old and Camron had just turned 2) and had only called me about 5 times... and not to talk to them or even ask about them, but to talk to me about child support. You would make excuses about not having enough money to fly out here. Or your one legitimate excuse about being deployed to Japan for 6 months...

So when you called me last month about coming out here to visit with the boys you can understand why I was so suspicious about your sudden interest. Why did you care to see them now? Why after a year and a half did you want to see them? I asked myself this over and over... I just didn't get. You just don't do things like that unless there's something in it for you.

On August 2nd you and I planned to meet at Sea World so you could spend some time seeing the boys. (I laughed at you when you asked to take them over night for a day or two. Haha you're crazy!) I thought it was really weird that you were bringing your new girlfriend with you. I guess I just figured that she had flown out here with you and wanted to see the sights that SD had to offer. Who wouldn't want to go to Sea World, right?

I'm sorry (well not really) if you felt offended that I didn't want them to call you daddy. I really don't think you've earned that title... They have a daddy who loves them and I just didn't think that it would be fair to them to confuse them even more than they had to be. They were after all, meeting a complete stranger. I think it was fair to tell them that you're their biological father named Ronnie. Of course they're way too young to know what that means. They'll understand more as they get older.

I told you that Brady wouldn't have anything to do with you. He's going through a stage where he will not even look at a stranger... let alone allow one to talk to him. I warned you.

Of course Camron is such a sweet boy that he gets along with everyone. Don't feel too special because he was warming up to you. Most 3 year olds will do that to anyone who will show them an ounce of attention. Especially when they're bought stuff... They will take what ever they can get their lil hands on!

So by the end of the day I had the chance to talk to the new gf.... Imagine my surprise when she told me that she had flown out here from Japan and mentioned that she's stationed out there. AND that you two had met out there. Hmm.... does ex wife #3 know about this? That you left her and your fourth son for another woman... Karma really is a you know what. Can I just say, I told you so? Yeah, I told you so.

Anyway, that STILL didn't explain why she had met you out here in SD and not back in SC where you actually live. I didn't really question it, but it was always in the back of my mind. I thought that maybe you were just trying to kill two birds with one stone. I really thought that maybe, just maybe you actually wanted to see the boys and to get to know them. Why I always think the best of you, I'll never know.

When we left Sea World you made it seem like you were thinking of seeing the boys some more before you left. After all, you were staying in SD a whole week or more... I should have known better. I haven't heard from you since. Oh yeah, except for the time when I contacted you via text 2 days later... mentioning that a mutual friend had told me that you had a facebook page and if you wanted to you could find me and add me as a friend so you could feel more included in the boys lives. I was willing to give up some of MY privacy so that you could watch your boys grow up. I told you that I have a million pictures of them up on my profile and that about 95% of my updates are about them. You told me that as soon as you had access to the internet again you would do that. It's been over a week... I don't think you had any plan what-so-ever to do that. Fine by me. I'd rather keep my life and your life as separate as possible anyway. Just don't say that I ever tried to keep them from you.

It wasn't until later on when I was dishing to my BFF about our day that she did some super sleuthing and found out the real reason why you and the new gf were in town. Apparently she (along with her whole family) had come to SD to watch her brother graduate from Navy Boot Camp on August 3rd... and then celebrate with him while he was on leave. No wonder we just had to go to Sea World on the 2nd. Couldn't do anything while the family was in town, right?

I'm sure the 3-4 hour visit with the boys was just to show your new gf that you're not a complete a-hole. Gotta keep up appearances, right? Always trying to show yourself in a good light. Can't have her thinking bad about you already... She'll learn. Just like ex wife #1 did, I did and ex wife #3 did. Could she be future ex wife #4? I think there's a good possibility. Only time will tell.

Please just do me a favor next time, k? Don't use my children as your little pawns in this game of yours. They deserve better. Either be in their lives or don't! This sporadic visitation is not going to fly with me.

I'm sure I'll be hearing from you again in 2 years. Talk to you then.....

My mom and step dad got back together last night.

I don't really know what to think of this... She's told me that she never wanted any of this to happen in the first place. She didn't want to get a divorce. He kept telling her that it was over and that divorce was the only way. Friday morning she did what she thought she had to do in order to protect herself and that was to file for divorce...

Apparently, reality set in when he was served with the divorce papers. I'm sure it made him realized that my mom was trying to move on with her life. They spent 6 hours on the phone on Friday night. On Saturday they spent 8 hours sitting in my mom's car talking about everything. He's still giving her a hard time. She's still having to prove to him that she didn't cheat.

Last night she called me to ask what the Sprint username/password were for my account that her phone is under. She wanted to figure out if she could get the actual transcripts of the texts that were sent over the past couple weeks. He was trying to see if her and her co-worker were still carrying on with the "affair". Of course, I'm just guessing at the reason... she didn't actually tell me why she wanted to see the transcripts.

In my not so humble opinion, I think that them getting back together is a huge mistake. He's done and said some really horrible things that I just can't forgive him for. Not right now anyway. He's called my brother a lot of names and said that he's never liked him. He's said some bad things about my sister and her husband. He left my niece homeless for several days starting on Christmas Eve.

(Funny because my mom was trying to tell me last night that despite what I might feel about him, he's a really good grandpa and loves his grandchildren.... Hmm... kicking out your granddaughter and her parents and refusing to let them come back in for them to get her clothes, diapers, food, etc... Yeah, what a great grandpa he is. I don't care if he was mad at my mom or not. No reason to do that to a child.)

Josh doesn't want H to have anything to do with our kids. He doesn't even want to take them over there to see my mom. If she wants to see them she can come over to our house (without him). My mom is upset about this... I'm not going to argue with my husband. I support him in this decision. Not saying it's right or wrong. I just support him. If H wants to talk to Josh about it, so be it. Leave me out please.

Oh and the worst best worst part about all of this is that he will probably be disabled for the rest of his life. (Which is the reason he's still here and never returned to work in Las Vegas.) My mom thinks it's going to be great because he's going to be home all the time now. Isn't she realizing that he's going to be home and making her life miserable? He's going to hold all kinds of things over her head. He's going to constantly be questioning her on where she's going. Who she's going with. He'll be checking her e-mail and her phone records... And my mom will let him do all of it. She wants to keep the peace. She just wants her husband back. I don't think she cares about the price she has to pay for it.

I know that it's her life and I don't get a say it. I know this. I just had to get it all out of my system.