Why am I freaking out? Well, it's probably because I have so little time and still so much to do before Baby Josiah arrives! It could be that I've never waited this long before getting everything prepared. It might also be that I've never had 2 kids, a husband and 2 dogs to take care of as well as my own household to run.

This is definitely new territory to me.

It might seem strange to those of you who have had babies and who have done all of this before and think that it's really not that big of a deal. Especially for baby number three. You might be thinking that I've already had two kids... so what's the difference with number three?

Well... The answer is pretty much the same with both of my first two boys. I was living at my mom's house and I didn't have a husband around to help me. Of course they were both very different circumstances. With Camron, my (ex) husband was on deployment to Iraq. With Brady, my (ex) husband was divorcing me and was too busy with his new (pregnant) girlfriend to help out at all. (Do I still sound bitter? lol Maybe. I just think it's wrong that so many men out there get to start completely over while the women they leave are left to handle all the responsibilities... that they helped to create... on their own.)

With both boys I felt like I had all the time in the world to prepare for the new baby's arrival. I had their rooms ready, all of the baby essentials bought, hospital bags were packed... and it was all done about 3 months before they were born!

I have three weeks! (Give or take.) I feel so unorganized and unprepared. I just barely bought the first package of newborn diapers yesterday... and that will last what? 3 days. If we're lucky. So we need to buy lots more ASAP! I have to finish washing all of the old baby clothes and blankets that I've had in storage for the past 2 years. (I think I have about 3 more loads to go... Then it becomes, where the heck am I going to put it all?!) I have to pack a hospital bag for me and Josh. I'll also need to pack Josiah's going-home stuff. I have to pack a bag for both boys so they have everything they need while staying at Nana and Papa's house while I'm in the hospital. I still have to turn the back part of my living room into a make-shift nursery. Complete with a cot for me to sleep on, the bassinet for baby and a changing area. I also have to find some place for a few extra clothes and blankets for those middle of the night diaper blow outs or spit-ups... because I don't want to wake the boys by getting it out of their room.

I think it felt like things were easier to get done with my first two boys because I actually had a lot of help from my mom. My step dad was working out of town both times that I gave birth while I was living there. So she had tons of time to help me! This time around I have my own household to run. Dinner to make. House to be cleaned. Two boys to take care of. A husband to keep happy... So I'm almost doing all of this on my own. I have a lot more responsibilities on my shoulders than I had before. It's kind of nerve wracking to think that I'm the one who has to make this transition go as smoothly as possible.

I don't want this blog post to sound like I'm complaining about anything. I'm really not complaining. Or even getting close to complaining. I'm just stressing and I think writing it all out helps me gain some sort of clarity to be able to put it all in perspective for me.

I'm so grateful for my little family and the life that I have. I'm so excited about Josiah's arrival and having our family finally feeling complete. I know that in the end everything will work out and I'll feel like I was stressing out for nothing. I have pretty much everything that I'll need for him in his first month of life... it's just a matter of getting organized. I'm great at organizing. I just need to take it one step at a time and focus on the task at hand. I'll set some goals for myself this week... I'll write them down and cross them off one at a time. I think it'll help me in feeling like I'm getting anything accomplished.

So here we go! I'm giving myself one week to get everything done. Time to set some goals and get things done!

I know I'm such an awful blogger these days... I've been so busy and I never seem to get the chance to sit down to type things out. Let's see, in the past month my hubby and I had our one year anniversary. We took a two week road trip to St. Louis, MO and back. And I've started yet another online business.

Since I've already written about my oh-so-wonderful husband in my last post I'll get straight into our road trip! (I'll do a separate post some day soon with pictures and all the details.)  Long story short it was fun, long and stressful at times. On our first day we drove from Southern California to Albuquerque, NM. That night we stayed in an awful motel. None of us slept very well and we were on the road again by 4am... The second day was from Albuquerque to Oklahoma City. Some of Josh's friends moved there recently and they were nice enough to let us stay the night with them. From Oklahoma City we drove up to St Louis, MO where my best friend and her family moved back to last year. We stayed there for about a week.. Saw tons of beautiful sights and are lots of yummy food! (I gained 7 pounds. Opps.) While we were there we also took a mini road trip up to Nauvoo, IL to see the Nauvoo Temple and all the other Mormon sights up that way. It was gorgeous. When we left St Louis we headed over to Colorado Springs, CO. Let me just say that I HATE COLORADO. Oh my goodness, I really hated it there. It was mostly google maps fault, but still. It was freezing and snowing and the roads were icy. I cried several times just because I wanted to get out of that state so badly. From Colorado we headed towards Blanding, UT where Josh's grandma, aunts and cousins live. (And yes, the city really is as bland as it sounds.) Nice to visit, but I just can't do a small city like that... 2 days was plenty for me. From Utah we headed back home to San Diego. Home sweet home! We had some pretty cool adventures. The boys did AWESOME. I got TONS of great pictures. Hopefully I can manage to post some of them soon. :)

So the other thing I've been up to lately is my new online business...

I've opened my own Etsy shop this past weekend! (http://www.cambraycreations.etsy.com) With my new sewing machine and all this fabric I have.. and my need to buy even more of it... I decided maybe this would be a great way to help fund my addiction to sewing and buying fabric. I really didn't think I was good enough to actually sell anything I made, but lots of my friends, family and strangers I've talked to in public have convinced me otherwise. So I went for it. I made a bunch of stuff and I posted it for sale in my store. Now I just wait and see if anyone actually likes my stuff enough to buy it lol.

Here's a couple of the things I've done over the past month (Not all of it is listed in my store.. some have been sold and some I kept for myself):




So that's what I've been up to...

Oh yeah and I'm already over 29 weeks pregnant today! I can't believe I only have about 8-11 weeks left... I'm feeling really unprepared. It's just sneaking up on me way too fast... I'm trying not to worry about it too much right now. I just want to get through the holidays and all of our birthdays before getting into full on baby-mode. The week after Christmas though, it's on!

With our one year anniversary fast approaching (October 16th) I've been thinking a lot about how much my life has changed... Not just this past year, but the past several. I've got to say, this has certainly been one of the best! I'm happy and most importantly my kids are happy.

I cannot express in words how much I appreciate my husband and our new life together. I am so thankful for everything that he's done for me, the boys and our family. He stepped in and stepped up when he really didn't have to. He's more than just a step dad to Camron and Brady. In fact, the words 'step dad' never enter my mind unless some one else points it out. He IS their dad. Period.

Josh has been here for us since Brady was only 4 months old and Camron was 2.5 years old. Josh was the one there who witnessed all of Brady's major milestones. Rolling over, crawling, sitting up, pulling up, standing up, walking, talking, etc. He has been there for Camron in all the ways a dad should be there for his son... teaching him how to be a good big brother and showing him right from wrong.

Josh is the one who provides for us and makes sure we're never going without any of life's necessities. When Camron needs new shoes or clothes it's Josh who takes him out shopping. When Brady needs more diapers it's Josh who comes with us to the store.

My marriage to Josh is such a sharp contrast to my previous marriage... I was always doing things on my own. Very, very rarely did we ever do anything as a family. Even after Camron was born. Josh on the other hand, wouldn't have things any other way. He comes home right after work every day so we can eat together at our dinner table as a family. He spends every weekend with us doing something as a family. All of the grocery shopping is done as a family. He insists on doing it all with us. (Of course there are times now and then where we each go do our own thing, but it's not the norm.)

Now don't get me wrong, it's not all rainbows and unicorns 24/7. We have had our ups and downs... like every couple. I'm sure there are plenty more disagreements and petty little fights in our future... (mainly because we're both so hard headed!) But we handle them and we move on (because we also easily forgive and forget).

I'm looking forward to all the years to come as we enter new chapters in our lives. I have no doubt that Josh will be right there by my side through it all. He has definitely come through for me and our boys and I couldn't be happier. I love him so much and I'm thankful that Heavenly Father helped guide us to one another (because I have no doubt that he had a hand in all of this). He knew just what I was looking for and needed in a husband and I am so thankful I have found everything and more in Josh.

Happy Anniversary Babe. <3

When you find out that you're going to have your first baby you do like most women do and get prepared.... by reading books, magazines, internet articles. By taking parenting classes. By talking to your mom or your friends who have already had kids....

Then your baby arrives.

Everything you read about, talked about and learned about goes out the window. It becomes a learn as you go type of process. Sure, some of the things you learned about during your pregnancy might apply to you and your baby, but you also learn that your baby might not go by the book.

I know my first baby didn't.

My oldest always seemed to take his time with everything that he did. He arrived 2 weeks after my due date... (he had to be evicted because he was just so warm and snug that he didn't want to come out.) He didn't sit up til he was 8 months old. Started crawling at 10 months. Walked at 14. He didn't start talking well until he was almost 3. He didn't understand the potty training concept until just a few weeks ago... and he's almost 3 and a half.

That's just him... He's like his mama and takes his time with things. I think he wants to be sure that he gets it right before he actually does it.

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When you find out that you're pregnant with baby number two you might think to yourself that this is going to be a piece of cake. (I know I did.) You think to yourself that you've done all this before.... baby #1 was almost like your "practice" baby. Now you're a professional. You've been through it all and now you're totally prepared for another baby.

Then baby number two arrives.

Everything you thought you knew has now gone out the window. Baby number two is nothing like baby number one! Where did this child come from?! He's the complete opposite of his brother!

There must have been some sort of mix up at the hospital.... 


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I quickly learned that, yes it's true... every baby IS different. Even if they're related. I thought I knew everything I needed to know when I got pregnant with Brady. I thought surely another boy of mine wouldn't be that different than his older brother. I was wrong.

I was thinking about all of this earlier today when I was watching my 2 boys fighting playing together in the living room. Where did this 16 month old child come from?! He's screaming, talking, running, fighting, playing, jumping, singing.... He's doing everything that my 3 year old is doing. I don't remember Camron being like this at 16 months old. But I guess that's just it. Brady has an older brother. Camron just had me. Makes me wonder what Brady would be like if he were an only child.

From the time he was born Brady seemed like he couldn't wait to do things! Rolling over at a few weeks old. Sitting up at 4-5 months. Crawling at 6 months and walking by 9 months. He's been playing side by side with his brother ever since. Was he just trying to keep up with his brother... or is that just him? I'll never know.

What I do know is that this has been a huge test of my patience learning experience for me. I love learning about their personalities, seeing them grow and learn new ideas and concepts. They constantly amaze me when they learn new things.

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Now baby number three is in the works. :) We're in the "talking about it"/"considering the possibilities" phase of it right now. We haven't officially told anyone yet, but I think a few people are suspecting. Well, if anyone in our families is reading this... consider yourself in-the-know... but no talking about it! (:::cough::cough:::Annie!:cough:::) When it happens it happens.... :)

I'm sure that baby number 3 will be no different than my first two... (Read: I will have no idea what I'm doing when the baby arrives.)

I'm excited, nervous, happy and scared all at the same time about the possibility of a new baby... a new baby with the man of my dreams. One thing will be for sure. This experience will be completely different than the previous two. I can't wait to share about this new chapter coming up in our lives.

This is going to get interesting....

I don't have much time right now, but just wanted to update this about the situation with my mom. Yesterday she was granted a restraining order, a kick out order and an order to get her car back. With a little detective work we figured out that he was staying with his sister. Little more detective work and we found out where she lived. With one quick move by my brother and brother-in-law, my step dad was served and the car was taken back. If he tries to take it again she can report it stolen and he can go to jail. Life is starting to look up again!

I just want things to go back to normal! Especially for my mom, sister, brother-in-law, niece and brother. Things have been so messed up and up in the air since Christmas Eve... I have so much on my mind that I don't even remember what I wrote about in my last post. Just bare with me if I end up repeating myself.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned what happened on Christmas eve. I suppose I'll give a little background info and more details on what's going on.

My mom and step dad have been together for 15 years, married for 12. Right before they got married my mom bought a house. The house is only in her name. (So grateful for that right now!) They didn't have any joint bank accounts. (Because of him really messing up his credit long before they met he can never get a bank account...) For the past several years he has been working far from home. There's really not that much work here in San Diego for a union carpenter. It seems like most of the work is in nearby Las Vegas. So he has been living out there for the past 12+ months. (He had been living in Las Vegas the whole time I was staying at their house when I was going through my divorce.) Every several months my mom would fly there or he would drive home to visit.

On the Saturday before Christmas he drove home because he went on disability for some work related injury. Apparently when he called my mom he said he was coming home on Wednesday. She convinced him to stay there and come home on Saturday. My moms reasoning was that she wanted a chance to clean the house top to bottom before he came home.She didn't have a day off til Friday. Anyone who knows Hans knows that he would have FLIPPED out if the house was a mess when he came home. She knew that he would have been in a bad mood the whole time he was there if he came home and found the house a mess. HE looked at the whole thing with suspicion.

Christmas Eve while we were all out in the front room he was in his room going through cell phone records. He found that my mom and some unknown number had been texting back and forth for about month. It was some guy that she knows at work. After talking to my mom about it I know that she NEVER cheated on my step dad. She's just not that kind of person. She had become friends with this guy at work and they were sending each other stupid messages back and forth. Sure, there was flirting involved, but definitely NO cheating and nothing beyond text messages. He didn't even let my mom explain anything. He assumed she was cheating. There was no changing his mind. She told me that she does feel bad about the texting and she even told this guy that he needed to stop doing it because she didn't think it was right. (That was about 3 weeks ago.)

I still can't believe he flew off the handle over some text messages!

The past few days have been a blur. Is it really Monday today?

The day after Christmas (or maybe it was ON Christmas) my mom brought the cops with her to the house because she needed to get a few things. He had barricaded the doors so no one could get inside the house. He was refusing to let my mom (or anyone else) inside the house. The cops were no help. They said they couldn't do anything without a court order. He had a right to be there... (How about my mom's right to her things?!)

My step dad has continued to harass her all weekend with nasty text messages and phone calls. I told my mom to stop answering her phone! He threatened to have her cell phone shut off. He did for about 12 hours... then he had it turned back on because how else could he continue to harass her? He called her one night and left a creepy voicemail saying, "Just wanted to tell you something... You need to watch yourself so you don't get buuuuurned." I listened to it. It was creepy and I could hear the hatred in his voice.

Oh yeah, prior to her leaving he stole all of her credit cards, debit cards, medical card, driver's license, cash, etc etc... Took it right out of her purse!

On the 26th he ended up calling me... I was sitting at my dad's house getting ready to celebrate Camron's birthday with the family.

He asked me if I knew what was going on. I played dumb. He went on with this sob story about how my mom did him wrong... blah blah blah... I sat and listened. I listened until he told me, "I went to her work with all of my proof because I'm trying to get her fired." Ooooo wow. I felt a jolt of adrenaline rush through me. I was LIVID! I went off on him like I have never done before. I started cussing. F this and F that... and I don't normally cuss. I think I said something along the lines of...

"No! F*** YOU! Listen to me now! I don't care if my mom cheated on you or not! You DO NOT F*** with her job! That is her lifeline and you don't F*** with that just because you have an F***ing broken heart! She needs her job to continue on with the life that YOU are deciding to leave! She didn't F***ing choose this! YOU DID!"

I was practically screaming at my phone. Some where in there he hung up on me so I don't know how much he heard. Oh man, I was so mad. During the phone call everyone in the house dropped their jaws when they saw me walk outside cussing away at him. The only thing that was said when I walked back in was. "Wow, babe. That was hot!" Thank goodness for Josh. LOL.

Later that same night I took my mom and brother to go get 2 phone lines on my account. Now he can't hang that over my mom's head any more. I was hoping that he wouldn't be able to find out the new number... but he did. My mom was playing around with her new phone and she sent a text from her new one to her old one.... At 5am the next morning she got a call from Hans on the new phone. He had been monitoring her cell phone usage this whole time! He noticed a new number so he called it trying to find out what she's been doing and who she's been calling! Wow....

If you're still reading this I just want to say thank you. I know I'm kind of all over the place....

Hans is trying everything in his power to make my mom's life absolutely miserable. He has threatened suicide. He had threatened to trash the house. He has threatened to vandalize her car by spray painting the word Whore on it. He called to make a formal complaint against her at her job. Telling them that he plans to sue because he is a victim in all of this. (He says it's her work's fault for letting these 2 people manage to have an affair.) He has threatened to kill the guy that was texting her. He has called and told everyone who will listen what a whore my mom is... including our Bishop at Church!

Yesterday he took things one step further. He stole her car from work! He drove his niece over to her work and gave her the car keys to drive it out of the parking lot. Again, the police were NO help. Since he's the primary owner and my mom is the co-signer on the car and they're married he's allowed to let anyone he wants to drive it.

When she got off work last night her, my brother, Josh and I went over to the house to see if he was still there. No sign of him or the trailer that used to be parked in the driveway. All of the contents of my mom's car was piled up in the driveway. So they have control of the house once again.... Although I doubt it's even close to being over with. I'm still waiting to hear from my mom to see how things went today.

Hopefully I'll get around to posting Christmas pictures tomorrow....

Unfortunately my mom is going through a really hard time right now. I won't post about all the details just yet, but on Christmas Eve my step dad asked my mom for a divorce. He couldn't even wait until after the annual family Christmas party to do it. We were all gathered around their living room. Enjoying the meal that my brother-in-law cooked. Laughing, talking... My mom told everyone that Hans (my step dad) wasn't feeling well so he was in his bedroom the whole time. We were only there for an hour when my mom was called back to her bedroom. A few minutes later she came out and announced to everyone that the party was over and we had to leave because Hans was kicking us out. WHAT??? He told her he wanted a divorce and that she had better pack her bags and leave NOW. Well, he was not only kicking out my mom... but my 19 year old brother who lives there AND my sister, her husband and my 19 month old niece. (The 3 of them had just come up on hard times and moved in there the weekend Josh and I got our apartment.) So on Christmas Eve my family was scattered.

We were all confused as we made our way to the front door that night. The food was left on the dinning room table... all of it (the turkey, the ham, the mashed potatoes) went to waste. The pies were left on the kitchen counter. Hans hasn't let anyone come back to get anything. He has barricaded himself in the house. He has completely lost it. My mom thinks it has something to do with the Percocet he's on right now. (He's not a drinker and has never done drugs... so he has no tolerance for that kind of stuff.)

I'm not sure what's going to happen from this day forward, but I know that Hans has said some pretty unforgivable things to a lot of people in the past 2 days. My whole family has heard about what's going on and no one is going to let him live this down. Especially my brother and sister. My niece is basically homeless right now. We've offered everyone a place to stay here... They're staying with friends though. My mom is with her sister.

I hope this can all be worked out soon. My mom's whole life is up in the air right now. I'm praying that she can stay strong during all of this. My step dad is doing a good job of wearing her down through phone calls and texts. He's offering her ridiculous deals... (Like to let everyone come back, but he still wants to live there while my mom moves in to the office and basically becomes the maid. He's only saying that because the house is in her name!) I tried telling her last night to stop taking his calls.... I just hope she listens. Praying that this is all over with soon.

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I should mention that Christmas wasn't all bad. Josh, the boys and I did have a wonderful Christmas together. As soon and I can get a chance to upload the pictures, I'll post about our day. The boys had fun opening all their gifts and I took tons of pictures. Oh and the Chargers won!

Every year ever since I can remember my paternal grandparents have thrown a Christmas party the weekend before Christmas. I can remember when I was little the excitement I had leading up to the day. Picking out my special Christmas dress with my Grandma. (Because I was ALWAYS over there during school breaks.) I remember being at the Christmas party with my sister, brother and cousins playing games while the grown-ups stood around talking, laughing and dancing. Our favorite games to play were hide-and-seek and one we called witches. (Not sure why it was called that... it had nothing to do with a witch. The game was to make it from one side of the house to the other without a grown-up seeing you. If they spotted you then you had to freeze until another kid tagged you.) I have the best memories from those parties.