I knew that you didn't really care when you went 18 months without seeing the boys (Brady was 2 days old and Camron had just turned 2) and had only called me about 5 times... and not to talk to them or even ask about them, but to talk to me about child support. You would make excuses about not having enough money to fly out here. Or your one legitimate excuse about being deployed to Japan for 6 months...

So when you called me last month about coming out here to visit with the boys you can understand why I was so suspicious about your sudden interest. Why did you care to see them now? Why after a year and a half did you want to see them? I asked myself this over and over... I just didn't get. You just don't do things like that unless there's something in it for you.

On August 2nd you and I planned to meet at Sea World so you could spend some time seeing the boys. (I laughed at you when you asked to take them over night for a day or two. Haha you're crazy!) I thought it was really weird that you were bringing your new girlfriend with you. I guess I just figured that she had flown out here with you and wanted to see the sights that SD had to offer. Who wouldn't want to go to Sea World, right?

I'm sorry (well not really) if you felt offended that I didn't want them to call you daddy. I really don't think you've earned that title... They have a daddy who loves them and I just didn't think that it would be fair to them to confuse them even more than they had to be. They were after all, meeting a complete stranger. I think it was fair to tell them that you're their biological father named Ronnie. Of course they're way too young to know what that means. They'll understand more as they get older.

I told you that Brady wouldn't have anything to do with you. He's going through a stage where he will not even look at a stranger... let alone allow one to talk to him. I warned you.

Of course Camron is such a sweet boy that he gets along with everyone. Don't feel too special because he was warming up to you. Most 3 year olds will do that to anyone who will show them an ounce of attention. Especially when they're bought stuff... They will take what ever they can get their lil hands on!

So by the end of the day I had the chance to talk to the new gf.... Imagine my surprise when she told me that she had flown out here from Japan and mentioned that she's stationed out there. AND that you two had met out there. Hmm.... does ex wife #3 know about this? That you left her and your fourth son for another woman... Karma really is a you know what. Can I just say, I told you so? Yeah, I told you so.

Anyway, that STILL didn't explain why she had met you out here in SD and not back in SC where you actually live. I didn't really question it, but it was always in the back of my mind. I thought that maybe you were just trying to kill two birds with one stone. I really thought that maybe, just maybe you actually wanted to see the boys and to get to know them. Why I always think the best of you, I'll never know.

When we left Sea World you made it seem like you were thinking of seeing the boys some more before you left. After all, you were staying in SD a whole week or more... I should have known better. I haven't heard from you since. Oh yeah, except for the time when I contacted you via text 2 days later... mentioning that a mutual friend had told me that you had a facebook page and if you wanted to you could find me and add me as a friend so you could feel more included in the boys lives. I was willing to give up some of MY privacy so that you could watch your boys grow up. I told you that I have a million pictures of them up on my profile and that about 95% of my updates are about them. You told me that as soon as you had access to the internet again you would do that. It's been over a week... I don't think you had any plan what-so-ever to do that. Fine by me. I'd rather keep my life and your life as separate as possible anyway. Just don't say that I ever tried to keep them from you.

It wasn't until later on when I was dishing to my BFF about our day that she did some super sleuthing and found out the real reason why you and the new gf were in town. Apparently she (along with her whole family) had come to SD to watch her brother graduate from Navy Boot Camp on August 3rd... and then celebrate with him while he was on leave. No wonder we just had to go to Sea World on the 2nd. Couldn't do anything while the family was in town, right?

I'm sure the 3-4 hour visit with the boys was just to show your new gf that you're not a complete a-hole. Gotta keep up appearances, right? Always trying to show yourself in a good light. Can't have her thinking bad about you already... She'll learn. Just like ex wife #1 did, I did and ex wife #3 did. Could she be future ex wife #4? I think there's a good possibility. Only time will tell.

Please just do me a favor next time, k? Don't use my children as your little pawns in this game of yours. They deserve better. Either be in their lives or don't! This sporadic visitation is not going to fly with me.

I'm sure I'll be hearing from you again in 2 years. Talk to you then.....

That is basically the question that one of my blog readers wants me to ask myself. Should I be writing about the issues that are going on in my family right now? ...Sharing it with the public blogging community?  (And also with the people I know in real life... Which by the way, very few IRL friends and family know about this blog.) My response is this:

While I appreciate each and every comment and opinion I receive on the topics I'm writing about, I don't necessarily agree with all of them. This being one of them. Obviously, this is my blog... my space.. where I can  write about pretty much what ever I want to. In this blog I'm choosing to share my life with everyone. It's no secret that I do post a lot about the hard stuff I've gone through in my life. It wouldn't be a fair representation of my life if I just posted about the happy-go-lucky times. That's not me and that's not what I want my blog to be about.

I suppose you could argue and say that it's not the same because I was posting about my life and not about someone else's. Well, this is my life. What my mom and step dad are going through is not just affecting them. It's affecting me and my family too. My mom knows about this blog. She's seen it. She's read it. She knows the web address for it. I've read to her what I wrote about her and my step dad within the past couple weeks. If she had a problem with any of it... If she would have asked me to take it down... I would have respected her wishes and done what she asked. She hasn't done that. (And just to clarify, my mom and I have a very open relationship where we do speak our minds... she definitely would have asked me to take these posts down if she wanted me to.) She knows that I've always written things down as a way to vent my feelings. Before there were computers in our home I've always had a diary... or a journal.  Even though I do write stuff down I don't usually keep my feelings or opinions to myself. When I feel the need to let someone know how I feel, I'll say it to them. In my previous post I talked about how I felt about my mom and step dad getting back together... Before I wrote it, my mom and I had talked on the phone about it. Everything I wrote about... she heard it first. She knows my feelings. She knows that I still love her and support her regardless of everything. She knows that from now on I'm staying out of it.

I don't want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable with my recent blog posts. I'm sorry if I did. I know that I was talking about some rough issues and depressing stuff. If you don't like what I'm writing about I won't be offend (or even know) if you decide not to read it. If you are reading them I still won't be offended (or even know) if you decide not to comment. You also have my full permission to click that little red 'x' at the top of your screen. ;) I promise, I won't get mad.

I wasn't planning on posting anything today, but felt like I should respond. I know if one person thought it, so did a handful of other people...

They really do. I can't help it... I just can't stand the general public. They're slow. They say stupid things. They go way to fast and cut you off on the freeway. They don't use blinkers. They're rude and pushy. I could go on and on, but I won't because I'm sure you get the picture.

I don't usually talk like this... I've just been in an awful mood lately.

It could be because it's just that time of the month.

It could be because I have a terrible cold and so do the boys.

It could be because I haven't eaten in 2 days.

It's probably because of all those things. After my terrible, horrible, awful day yesterday I just have to vent.

To the driver of the white minivan - was it really necessary to pull out in front of me and then go 10 mph under the speed limit?! There was no one behind me. You could have waited the 5 extra seconds it would have taken to pull out behind me. You were obviously in no hurry judging by your speed. I'm convinced you did this to make my day just that much worse.


To the truck in front of me who was turning left into the bank - Are you kidding me? You could have gone like 4 or 5 times already! Like right there... and there.... and there! Don't be chicken. I promise you, that car that's coming towards us at 25mph won't be crossing your path for another 20 seconds. Just go!

Now for you, Mr. Black Jeep... Didn't think I'd leave you out, did you? As I'm waiting behind you in line at the drive thru ATM I started to think something was wrong. The line behind me is now about 5 or 6 car lengths long. Are you ok? Did your car break down? Are you injured? I haven't seen you roll your window down yet. I can see movement though so I know you're not suffering from a massive stroke or heart attack. Ok the line is getting really long now... My kids are getting whiny and restless. Wait! What's this? The window rolls down! Oh thank goodness you're okay Mr. Jeep. I was about to get out of my truck and beat the crap outta you getting really worried about you. Thank you for holding up our day a full 10 minutes because you decided to do your finances in the car.


To these guys:


Do you really think your cars are so nice that you have to park them sideways and take up FOUR SPACES between the two of you?? You're shopping at Walmart for goodness sake. Get a life.

To the woman behind me at the grocery store - Thanks for pointing out how sick my children look. Thanks again for commenting about how tired they look and that their mommy should be getting them home asap. If I had the choice to leave them home I would have. If I didn't absolutely need the few groceries I bought I wouldn't have dragged our butts out of the house. We're all sick and I didn't want to be there... But sadly, my kids have to eat. I haven't gone grocery shopping in 2 weeks which is why I only bought the essentials. Thanks so much for making me feel like a craptastic mother.

Ok, I think I'm done venting for now... Thanks to anyone listening. I'm off to go hide under my covers til we all feel better....