Why am I freaking out? Well, it's probably because I have so little time and still so much to do before Baby Josiah arrives! It could be that I've never waited this long before getting everything prepared. It might also be that I've never had 2 kids, a husband and 2 dogs to take care of as well as my own household to run.

This is definitely new territory to me.

It might seem strange to those of you who have had babies and who have done all of this before and think that it's really not that big of a deal. Especially for baby number three. You might be thinking that I've already had two kids... so what's the difference with number three?

Well... The answer is pretty much the same with both of my first two boys. I was living at my mom's house and I didn't have a husband around to help me. Of course they were both very different circumstances. With Camron, my (ex) husband was on deployment to Iraq. With Brady, my (ex) husband was divorcing me and was too busy with his new (pregnant) girlfriend to help out at all. (Do I still sound bitter? lol Maybe. I just think it's wrong that so many men out there get to start completely over while the women they leave are left to handle all the responsibilities... that they helped to create... on their own.)

With both boys I felt like I had all the time in the world to prepare for the new baby's arrival. I had their rooms ready, all of the baby essentials bought, hospital bags were packed... and it was all done about 3 months before they were born!

I have three weeks! (Give or take.) I feel so unorganized and unprepared. I just barely bought the first package of newborn diapers yesterday... and that will last what? 3 days. If we're lucky. So we need to buy lots more ASAP! I have to finish washing all of the old baby clothes and blankets that I've had in storage for the past 2 years. (I think I have about 3 more loads to go... Then it becomes, where the heck am I going to put it all?!) I have to pack a hospital bag for me and Josh. I'll also need to pack Josiah's going-home stuff. I have to pack a bag for both boys so they have everything they need while staying at Nana and Papa's house while I'm in the hospital. I still have to turn the back part of my living room into a make-shift nursery. Complete with a cot for me to sleep on, the bassinet for baby and a changing area. I also have to find some place for a few extra clothes and blankets for those middle of the night diaper blow outs or spit-ups... because I don't want to wake the boys by getting it out of their room.

I think it felt like things were easier to get done with my first two boys because I actually had a lot of help from my mom. My step dad was working out of town both times that I gave birth while I was living there. So she had tons of time to help me! This time around I have my own household to run. Dinner to make. House to be cleaned. Two boys to take care of. A husband to keep happy... So I'm almost doing all of this on my own. I have a lot more responsibilities on my shoulders than I had before. It's kind of nerve wracking to think that I'm the one who has to make this transition go as smoothly as possible.

I don't want this blog post to sound like I'm complaining about anything. I'm really not complaining. Or even getting close to complaining. I'm just stressing and I think writing it all out helps me gain some sort of clarity to be able to put it all in perspective for me.

I'm so grateful for my little family and the life that I have. I'm so excited about Josiah's arrival and having our family finally feeling complete. I know that in the end everything will work out and I'll feel like I was stressing out for nothing. I have pretty much everything that I'll need for him in his first month of life... it's just a matter of getting organized. I'm great at organizing. I just need to take it one step at a time and focus on the task at hand. I'll set some goals for myself this week... I'll write them down and cross them off one at a time. I think it'll help me in feeling like I'm getting anything accomplished.

So here we go! I'm giving myself one week to get everything done. Time to set some goals and get things done!

So this is me at 20 weeks along... I'm now at almost 23 weeks and pretty much looking the same. Baby Josiah is kicking around like crazy. I swear he thinks he's a ninja and he's trying to kick his way out! This baby seems to be a lot more active in my belly than the last 2.... Or maybe I've just forgotten what it was like when they still have lots of room to swim around.

As far as weight gain goes I think I'm doing pretty well. According to my home scale I've gained a total of 5lbs. Although that was about a week and a half ago. I'm guessing I've added at least another pound since then. (Cheesecake, eating out and a chocolate milkshake can do that to you. In my defense though I had a chicken salad when we went out to eat! Ok, ok... I had some onion rings with it too... and some of Josh's nachos.)  Hoping to gain no more than 25lbs this pregnancy. We'll see if I can pull it off again.

The boys and I have been pretty busy lately. Once a week we go to the local library for storytime and check out lots of books. The boys love it. They sing songs, read books, dance and usually have some sort of craft at the end. I like taking them since Camron isn't going to be attending a preschool.

Speaking of preschool we've actually started a homeschool preschool this past week. Camron loves it. We've been doing activities on and offline during Brady's naptime everyday. He's already learning so much! I'm amazed at how quick he's taking it all in. Within 3 days he can now identify several letters and numbers, he knows how to build a simple puzzle, learned how to use the computer mouse and we're working on sight words for his colors. If anyone is interested, we're using the free program on Head of the Class. My plan is to get through the preschool this school year then start the kindergarten one next year... He doesn't HAVE to start school for another 2 years and if this goes well we might end up doing homeschool. I'm still debating it... I might change my mind once #3 gets here.

The other thing that's been keeping me super busy (as if my life isn't busy enough already!) Josh bought me a new sewing machine a few weeks ago! My old cheap machine decided to die on me one day in the middle of a project... This new machine is such a dream to work with compared to my old one. I'm in love. Ever since the day we bought it I've sewn at least one thing ever day. I'm learning lots of new techniques and doing things I've never done before... like a zipper! (I've decided that I hate zippers by the way.) Many of the things I'm making I'm posting on my new blog: Pretty Little Crafts. (Feel free to follow me on there!) The blog is also a way for me to organize my "to-do" list of crafts/sewing projects/recipes I really want to try out. (I have a huge list of different websites sitting in my favorites folder... this is just my way of better organizing them!)

I think that's it for now... I'll try to update again soon! You can always checkout my craft blog in the meantime... I've been posting something everyday! :)

Ok, so maybe I don't... unless it comes to cleaning. (Keep reading, I'll explain.) It's one my main jobs in life (along with being a mom & cook of course) and I hate cleaning. I only do it because #1, I hate having a dirty house and #2, I kinda have to because let's be honest, no one else is going to do it around here.

For about the past 2 months I've been doing what I could in between my bouts of morning sickness. A load of laundry here, some dishes there. If I was feeling really ambitious I'd even make the bed and sweep the living room floor. So now that I'm feeling a whole lot better it's time to play catch up. I've been doing it all week in between the billions of appointments I have scheduled this month.

Today I noticed that I have A.D.D. when it comes to cleaning. I cannot concentrate on doing one chore at a time. Here is a glimpse into how I've been cleaning today....

Kids are ready for their mid-morning snack. As I hand them a banana, ewww what is this sticky stuff on my tile floor? I grab the Swifer and clean the spot. Wait, this floor is gross. I'll sweep and THEN Swifer it. Floor swept and spot mopped. Hmm... I think I'll change our bed sheets. As I'm taking off the dirty sheets... Opps, I left these clean shirts in the laundry basket. Better hang them up real fast. Ok, back to taking off dirty sheets... But before I put on the clean ones... I should put these in the washer so I don't have them sitting around in the dirty clothes basket forever. Into the wash they go. Oh yeah, I have clean towels sitting in the dryer. I should fold those. As I'm folding the towels the dryer sheet falls on the floor. With the dryer door still swung open I take it over to the kitchen trash. Wow, this trash can is full. I should dump it before the trash truck comes! Out goes the trash. Walking back towards the house I notice the dog poo in the grass. I better pick it up before it gets any hotter outside. Ok, all picked up. I need to finish folding those towels! All folded and ready to be put away. Into the hall closet they go. I better put clean ones in the bathroom too. Whoops, forgot to dump the bathroom trash. I should take that out too. Walking back into the house I notice how hot it's getting. I should drink some water before I get a headache. Hmm... No clean glasses. I forgot to put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher this morning. I'll just put away some of the glasses and plates. Kids are thirsty too so I get them a drink... Out of the corner of my eye I notice that I didn't put a new trash bag in the can. Dishes can wait. I should put a bag in the bathroom trash can too. Walking back to the bathroom I see my bed sitting there with no sheets on it. Craaaap. I need to finish making the bed. The bathroom trash bag gets thrown onto the counter. Bed is now made. Back to the bathroom to put the bag in thrash can. Dang, this mirror spotty. Why does Josh always have to use his hand to wipe it after a hot shower? It looks awful. I need to clean it. While I'm in here I should clean the sink and toilet too. Before I get to the toilet I see the dirty clothes piled on the floor along with a few toys. Dirty clothes in hamper and toys taken to boys room. Didn't I just clean this room last night?! Why are there toys every where?! BOYS! Come help me clean your room! 


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Ugh... >.< You get the picture. By the end of the day I'm so tried from running around in circles. Why can't I concentrate on doing just one thing at a time?! This is something that I really need to work on. I know there's a better way to be doing things... I just have to figure it out. I need to get organized so I can work smarter, not harder. One thing at a time. Certain chores on certain days and stick with it.

I think I'll start it all next week...

Did I also mention that I'm a procrastinator?

I haven't lived with my ex for almost two years... I don't even have a joint bank account with Josh (who is really good with money by the way!) and yet I still get a sinking feeling every time I check my bank account. I hate it. I'm the only one who spends money on that account. I know exactly how much is in there... So why do I dread checking it? I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I log onto the bank website... or even think about logging on.

When I was married to my ex-husband our bank account was in the negative more times a month than it was positive. Some times it wouldn't even go into the positive on paydays. It was bad. Unfortunately, for my ex it hasn't changed... I still get e-mails from the bank telling me that the account ending in **** is now in the negative. (I wish he would change the e-mail address on there already!) When we were married I would dread logging on to the account not only because it was in the negative, but because I would then see where the money was going. I didn't have a car.... I very rarely left the house (when he wasn't on deployment)... I hardly ever spent the money unless it was for groceries, our son or bills. I always knew what I was going to see when I logged on. I was going to see charge after charge for ATM withdrawals, cigarettes, alcohol, fast food and gas. I'm talking hundreds of dollars a month on each of these things. Mostly at places on base or just off base at a local bar. It makes me sick just thinking about it right now.

I know my life is completely different now.... I just wish my subconscious mind would keep up.

When you find out that you're going to have your first baby you do like most women do and get prepared.... by reading books, magazines, internet articles. By taking parenting classes. By talking to your mom or your friends who have already had kids....

Then your baby arrives.

Everything you read about, talked about and learned about goes out the window. It becomes a learn as you go type of process. Sure, some of the things you learned about during your pregnancy might apply to you and your baby, but you also learn that your baby might not go by the book.

I know my first baby didn't.

My oldest always seemed to take his time with everything that he did. He arrived 2 weeks after my due date... (he had to be evicted because he was just so warm and snug that he didn't want to come out.) He didn't sit up til he was 8 months old. Started crawling at 10 months. Walked at 14. He didn't start talking well until he was almost 3. He didn't understand the potty training concept until just a few weeks ago... and he's almost 3 and a half.

That's just him... He's like his mama and takes his time with things. I think he wants to be sure that he gets it right before he actually does it.

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When you find out that you're pregnant with baby number two you might think to yourself that this is going to be a piece of cake. (I know I did.) You think to yourself that you've done all this before.... baby #1 was almost like your "practice" baby. Now you're a professional. You've been through it all and now you're totally prepared for another baby.

Then baby number two arrives.

Everything you thought you knew has now gone out the window. Baby number two is nothing like baby number one! Where did this child come from?! He's the complete opposite of his brother!

There must have been some sort of mix up at the hospital.... 


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I quickly learned that, yes it's true... every baby IS different. Even if they're related. I thought I knew everything I needed to know when I got pregnant with Brady. I thought surely another boy of mine wouldn't be that different than his older brother. I was wrong.

I was thinking about all of this earlier today when I was watching my 2 boys fighting playing together in the living room. Where did this 16 month old child come from?! He's screaming, talking, running, fighting, playing, jumping, singing.... He's doing everything that my 3 year old is doing. I don't remember Camron being like this at 16 months old. But I guess that's just it. Brady has an older brother. Camron just had me. Makes me wonder what Brady would be like if he were an only child.

From the time he was born Brady seemed like he couldn't wait to do things! Rolling over at a few weeks old. Sitting up at 4-5 months. Crawling at 6 months and walking by 9 months. He's been playing side by side with his brother ever since. Was he just trying to keep up with his brother... or is that just him? I'll never know.

What I do know is that this has been a huge test of my patience learning experience for me. I love learning about their personalities, seeing them grow and learn new ideas and concepts. They constantly amaze me when they learn new things.

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Now baby number three is in the works. :) We're in the "talking about it"/"considering the possibilities" phase of it right now. We haven't officially told anyone yet, but I think a few people are suspecting. Well, if anyone in our families is reading this... consider yourself in-the-know... but no talking about it! (:::cough::cough:::Annie!:cough:::) When it happens it happens.... :)

I'm sure that baby number 3 will be no different than my first two... (Read: I will have no idea what I'm doing when the baby arrives.)

I'm excited, nervous, happy and scared all at the same time about the possibility of a new baby... a new baby with the man of my dreams. One thing will be for sure. This experience will be completely different than the previous two. I can't wait to share about this new chapter coming up in our lives.

This is going to get interesting....

I know I've been a bit MIA from the blogsphere this past week... That's only because I've been super busy doing some research on what we will be calling our new home. Remember when I mentioned moving to Saint Louis, Missouri awhile back? (No? Ok, well I did... lol) Josh and I have been talking about moving to Saint Louis for awhile now....

And now, it's actually starting to become a reality!

Our good friends who just moved back there were finally able to get their own place in these cute lil townhomes. We took a look at them online... liked the location, loved the pictures, loved the surroundings... so we decided to go for it.

On Tuesday I e-mailed the property and told them our situation and let them know that we couldn't be out there until July. I mainly wanted to know if our dogs were going to be accepted. I know out here it can be hard to find any where that will take a dog over 30 pounds... and even harder, one that will take two dogs! (Not to mention that Harley is still a puppy...) Anyway, I got an e-mail back telling me that we can apply for a townhouse as early as that day! I talked things over with Josh and we applied online last night.

This morning I e-mailed them all the necessary documents and now I'm playing the waiting game. We should be able to find out today if we're approved or not. If we are then we can be put on a waiting list for a 3 bedroom. They don't come up often so we're able to get first dibs if one pops up around the time we'll be moving. If there's none open we'll just move into a 2 bedroom. Both have washer/dryer hook-ups in the units. (Very excited about that!)

Once we have this place secured Josh can start looking for a job in the surrounding area. We might be doing things a little backwards, but I will feel better knowing we have a place to move into... Now he has about 5 and a half months to figure out where he'll be working.

Oh my gosh, we're really doing this... Starting to feel a little bit more real now... I'm so ready though.

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut...


Hmm... Actually, I don't think that's what it is. I think it's more like I'm just really, really bored. Not so much with my life, but with myself. Clear as mud? Thought so. I think I'm just bored with my routine. I need some variety in my life. I need to get back into my hobbies and probably make some new friends/reconnect with old ones.

I used to think of myself as someone who hated change, but I've learned that I actually thrive on it. I love the unknown. I love doing new things and going on new adventures... If I can ever manage to get out of the house. I love learning and trying new ideas. The only problem I have with this is that I never really finish what I start. I love change so much that I don't stick with something long enough to finish it. This mostly applies to my hobbies. (Don't worry, Josh, I'm keeping you forever and seeing this through to the end lol.) Take my sewing for instance... I got a sewing machine for Christmas in 2008. I taught myself to sew, made a few things and then I haven't touched it since. ....I have a blanket that I began knitting back in September and it's sitting half finished on my dresser. ....I have several scrapbooks started, but none finished.

Ok, it just hit me.

I need to be better organized. If I was organized and had a weekly schedule I could probably get more done and get myself out of this funk that I'm in. Maybe I could schedule in some of my hobbies on different days of the week... It might take longer to get anything done, but at least I could finish my projects! Better than letting things sit, left untouched for months on end. It will also help me with my need for change. So for example I can knit on Mondays, scrap on Tuesdays, sew on Wednesdays, work on my Cafepress store on Thursdays and work on Looney Girl Designs on Fridays....

Hmm... I think this could work.


Now I just need to tackle my social life...