Tomorrow my oldest little boy is turning 4 years old! I can't believe it.. Not that it didn't seem like a lifetime ago that I gave birth to him... Because it really does feel like more than 4 years have passed by. I just can't believe that he's that old! Only 1 and a half more years til he starts Kindergarten. Four years ago it was really hard to imagine him at this age.

He and I have been through a lot in his short little life. I gave birth to him while my (ex) husband was deployed to Iraq. We had to figure out everything on our own for the first couple months of his life. (With the help of my mom of course!) Once my (ex) husband returned from Iraq it was still mostly just Camron and I on our own. He was gone most of the time... And I'm not talking about deployments... He worked all day and stayed out all night.

When my ex decided to leave us I was pregnant with Camron's little brother Brady. My baby boy and I started an all new chapter of our lives together. He wasn't even 2 yet. His little brother was born just 2 short weeks after his second birthday. Together we adjusted to a new home (my mom's) and a new baby in our lives.

Four short months later is when I met and fell in love with my (now) husband, Josh. He loved my boys and my boys loved him. We got married that year when Camron was almost 3 and Brady was 9 months old. So once again Camron and I (and now Brady) had to adjust to a new life, new home and new family.

As you can imagine it's been a looooooong four years for us!

------------------------------------------

Now that it's towards the end of December we're almost through 2 of 4 birthdays. We celebrated Josh's last week and we'll celebrate Camron's tomorrow. Time is FLYING by! As I imagined it would at this time. Next up will be Christmas Eve at my mom's house. Christmas day with Josh's parents and my grandparents.

On Sunday we'll be taking down all the Christmas decorations... because on Monday I'll be bringing in all the baby stuff in preparation for Josiah's arrival! I'm so anxious to get started. (I'll be 35 weeks along next week! In the picture to the left I'm 34 weeks exactly.) I'm already trying so hard to suppress my nesting urge to rearrange the living room and the boys room and scrub every surface in sight! I can't wait to go through all the baby stuff and set things up the way I need them for J's homecoming.

Speaking of his homecoming, there's still a few things that we need to go buy for him. Kinda stressing about it because I realized that we weren't going to have as much money as I thought we would next month. Unfortunately it's only the expensive stuff we're needing. (Besides a few billion diapers of course!)

- A crib - Not only did Josh just break ours on accident, but it's being recalled along with all the other drop side cribs. It's only good as a toddler bed now. Luckily it's not something that we need right away since J will be sleeping in the bassinet that a friend gave me.

- A stroller/car seat combo - Ok, so it doesn't have to be a combo, but it would be nice. Main concern is a car seat that will fit along with the other 2 car seats in the back.

- A swing - Again, it's not something that I need, but they're nice to have around when you need to place baby some where safe while you take care of other things... Or other kids. ;)

- Bunk Beds - Ok so this one isn't specifically for the baby, but when we get the crib we're going to need to get bunk beds for the older boys. Otherwise there's no way that 3 normal beds will fit in their small bedroom.

Obviously my main concern is a car seat. That will be the first thing we buy... even if it's not a stroller combo. I just hope we can buy it soon so I can stop stressing about it!

------------------------------------------

Besides birthdays, holidays and baby J's arrival I'm also counting down the days to when my Bestie comes to visit! She's coming here just 2 days before my due date... So I'm not sure if I'll already have a baby in arms or if I'll go into labor right after she gets here. Either way will be fine with me! I just want to hang out and gossip like we used to. Her guess is that she'll be a week late in getting here in time for the birth. Josh's guess is the 27th and my guess is (or at least what I'm hoping for) is a Feb 1st baby. That way we have time before the birth to hang out. She'll be able to be there for the birth AND I'll probably be out of the hospital before she has to leave again back to St. Louis. Win Win all around. :) (But do I really want to still be pregnant that long?! Not that I have a choice, but I'm pretty much already done with this pregnancy. I'm ready to meet my little boy!)

For as long as I can remember I've only ever had one really close friend at a time. I've never been one to have a bunch of friends that I hang out with. I think the biggest group I ever hung out with was when I was in high school. Even then I was only close to one or two of them at a time. I can even name each one of my best friends from kindergarten on. Stephanie (kindergarten), Desiree (1st), Natsha and Connie (2nd), Amy (3rd and 4th), Melissa (5th), Anisa (6th and 7th), Teresa (8th, 9th), Alyssa and Jessica (10th, 11th), Melissa, Michelle, Kelly, Cynthia, (11th and 12th).... I stayed good friends with Melissa right after high school. Soon after her and I stopped talking I met Lizz.... We've been best friends ever since. We've been there for each other through pregnancies, our husband's deployments, my first marriage, our kid's firsts, my divorce and me getting remarried.

....Lizz and her family just moved back to Missouri in November....


Of course I do have Josh. He really is my best friend and I love spending time with him. He's a man though. I can't talk to him about stuff without him trying to fix things... I don't want things to be fixed, I just want to talk. I usually have to explain that to him if I've had a difficult day and I just want him to listen. He doesn't mind... But I miss having that girlfriend there to talk to! Ugh.. then there's shopping. Josh likes tolerates shopping with me. He likes to get in and get out. I like to look around. Even if I know that I'm not gonna buy anything else I still like to look.

I do still have a few friends around. I grew up here after all and I do know people... but I'm not close to any of them. We'll talk once and while. Hang out every now and then. It's just not the same as having that one best friend who you know you can tell anything to and she'll probably have a similar story of her own... then you can both sit there and laugh about it til you cry.

Makes me wish we were in Missouri already so her, I and the kids can all hang out again. I'm missing out on so much already! Her youngest is already talking. I'm sure her oldest is doing all kinds of new stuff too. I know Camron misses his best friend too.

I still have nearly a whole year before we'll be able to move out there. I hate to be such a complainer, but I'm lonely here without my BFF....