Knowing the end is so near, yet you never know exactly when the process will start. Could it happen in the next few hours? Or are there still days... weeks left? I know for sure it will be within the next 2.5 weeks, but WHEN?! Is this yet another false contraction I'm having? Or is this the beginning of active labor? Will I know or will I deny it for hours like I did with my other non induced labors? Are we going to make it to the hospital in time? Where will my kids be when I go into labor? Will I be alone with them? Will it be in the middle of the night or when my 2 oldest are in school? 

It's so easy to say keep distracted... Read a book... Keep your mind on something else... Play with your kids... Go clean something... 

It's HARD! 

It's always in the back of my mind. Nagging at me. I'm almost to my breaking point. 

Almost. 

When I reach that point and I feel like I just can't take another second will it start? Or will I be forced to go another week? 

It's easy to be on the outside looking in. It's easy to say, "Hey, your due date isn't even until next Thursday! Relax!" It's easy to sit on the outside while I go through hours of false labor contractions and wonder why I'm so anxious. I didn't think I would be this anxious about the end, but I am. I'm driving myself crazy. I just want the waiting game to stop. I just want the prodromal labor to stop torturing me day in and day out. 

I want a normal pregnancy where the start of labor is clear. I want there to be a pattern to my labor contractions unlike my previous ones which made me question things. 

I just want to have my baby in my arms already!!! 

Please? 

Crazy, right?

I'm the worst blogger on the planet... Oh well. So yeah, I found out I was pregnant with a happy surprise at the beginning of October when AF never showed up. I decided to take a test just for the heck of it thinking that there was no way it would be positive. After all, I had JUST given away the last of my baby gear and had sold off all of my baby carriers so that we could start buying toddler sized ones. 

Do you SEE how bright blue that line is?! It popped up within seconds of taking the test. There was no second guessing if there was a second line or not. I was shocked to say the least. 

It's taken me a long time to actually come to terms with being pregnant yet again. We weren't supposed to have any other babies! Ashlyn was it. Four kids was "our number". 

I'm still in shock about the whole thing, but we're all so excited for baby Jase to arrive! Yes! Another boy! (I'm pretty sure Ashlyn was a total fluke...)

And this brings me to today... 37 weeks and 5 days along. 

I can't believe that some time in the next few weeks our newest family member will arrive! I'm looking forward to writing out his birth story... It seems like that's the only thing I actually manage to blog about in a semi-timely manner. ;)

Speaking of washing my hair... 

People with dreads DO WASH THEIR HAIR! I've already had so many people ask me if I'm allowed to wash it. The big fat answer is a HUGE YES! I think I mentioned this in one of my first posts. Hair will not dread unless it's clean. Have you ever let your hair go a day or two between washing it and it's a greasy nasty oily mess? (I know I have... especially when my kids where newborns and I could barely get in a bite to eat, nevermind a full shower with a hair wash!) Oily hair is stringy looking, feels gross, and looks gross. 

In order for your hair to knot you need it to be squeaky clean with no conditioners. 

I think what people are mistaking for not washing your hair is the fact that most dreadheads will go longer between washes. I promise, there's a reason for this... and I also promise, our hair doesn't stink. ;) When you start your dreads you want to get your scalp to produce less oil than before. Before I started mine I was washing my hair every day and could barely go 24 hours between washes. If I went any longer then my hair was super oily. With all that frequent washing, brushing and running my fingers through my hair I was basically telling my scalp to produce more oil. By stretching out my washing little by little and switching to baking soda/acv to wash my hair I can go even longer before my hair starts to get oily. One of the other big reasons you want to space out your washing is because as your dreads mature they get 30-50% thicker. All those thick dreads take a LONG time to dry! You want your hair to fully dry before you have to wash it again... Could you imagine always having your hair wet? It would probably start to stink and smell like mildew. Ick.

So there you have it... I feel a bit weird admitting that I'm trying to space out my hair washing. I still shower every day (in case you were wondering lol), but I now use a shower cap on my non-wash days. I'm now up to washing my hair every 2-3 days. For example, I washed my hair on Tuesday and my next wash day will be on Friday morning. The week before I started my dreads I was going every other day. 

If you're planning to start dreads, know that it will take some time for your hair and scalp to adjust to a different routine. If I had to start over I wouldn't be so impatient and I'd let my hair adjust BEFORE I started them.

Sorry... I got a little crazy about washing... Anyway, no real changes as far as looks go from last week. I can see some little loopies starting to form in some dreads and my roots are so loose on some of them. Both are completely normal and I'm just letting my hair do it's own thing. I've decided not to do any crochet hooking or sewing in the frizz. If not done right that will only cause damage and it's really only a temporary fix. If you start doing it, you're going to have to keep on doing it. I don't have time for that! I'm a mom of 4 kids... I wanted dreads so that I could be lazy with my hair, not have to do more work! lol I'm only half kidding about that. ;)

Oh! I almost forgot... I think I'm getting some shrinkage!

THEY GET LOOSE AND MESSY LOOKING- My twist and rip dreads started off so thick and tight... after the first wash they started loosening up at the roots. Then they started loosening up through the whole section. Some worse than others. This is completely normal. If you get to this point try not to mess with them too much. You don't need a crochet hook or to do any sort of maintenance on them. That's only going to slow down your progress and take your dreads even longer to mature. They WILL loosen before they start to tighten up. Headbands will be your new best friend.

I'M NOW OBSESSED WITH HEAD WRAPS & HEADBANDS AND ALL THINGS DREAD RELATED! - I love window shopping for head gear! From wraps to headbands, to beads, to beanies. There's so many things you can do with dreads! You don't want to put decorations in your hair while your dreads are still young... As fun as they look, your dreads really need to be free to loc up. I've heard that you can put in embroidery thread in a criss cross pattern and be ok. I'm planning to put some in soon. I have a ton of it from my friendship bracelet making days!






YOUR WASH ROUTINE WILL CHANGE - If you weren't doing the "no poo" method of washing your hair before, I highly recommend starting it before you start your dreads. You need your hair extra clean and residue-free before you put in your dreads. I've learned that my hair absolutely LOVES being washed with baking soda. I've never had my hair feel so healthy and clean before. If you've never heard of this before here's some good info on how to wash with baking soda and vinegar. There's also lots of dread shampoo out there. Some are really good and others not so good. I really like this list on the Raging Roots Studio website. Besides the baking soda I also splurged and bought some foaming dread shampoo from a shop on Etsy called My Tangled Knots. It's on the approved list of shampoos on the Raging Roots site. :) You can find her Etsy shop here. I bought the Tea Tree one based on the fact that Tea Tree oil is supposed to be good for your scalp. If I like it I plan to go back and buy the Orange-Tangerine one. Sounds like it smells so yummy!

So there you have it, week one... I've been getting a lot of questions from friends about dreadlocks and I hope I've answered their questions either in this post or my last one. If you have any questions about my experience so far you can find me on Instagram under the name: @cambrayah. I'd be happy to help you! Or if you're friends with me on FB, you can always message me. :)

I plan to post again soon so check back!

Week 37 came and went... week 38... week 39... week 40... Ok, baby, any day now!

40 weeks along...

Nothing. Just more Prodromal Labor. 

At my 40 week appointment I told my doctor that I would not be scheduling an induction because I just knew that my body would do what it needed to do. That my baby would come when she was ready. 

On Wednesday, July 17th I was 40 weeks and 6 days. I was so anxious to meet my baby girl and I had talks with her on more than one occasion telling her that she can come any time now... I posted this picture on Instagram that afternoon. I asked everyone if they thought I had dropped:

Everyone said they thought I was looking a lot lower. Yay! Getting closer!

That night I went through more prodromal labor contractions... I was used to it by then and just ignored them. I put my boys to bed and laid down with my hubby. 

At around 1:30am on Thursday morning I woke up to a contraction. Great. More stupid prodromal labor... Just let me sleeeeepp! When I didn't feel another one come on I fell back asleep. At 3:02am I woke up to another one. This time it was a lot stronger. I woke my hubby with my moaning. He asked me if I was having a contraction... Umm... That would be a yes. I turned to him and said, "You might be calling in to work today..." He asked me why. "Because we might be having a baby today!!" I really didn't think this was the real deal just yet and I have no idea what made me say that. I told him to go back to sleep and I would let him know if I had any more. Well, another one came... And another. And another. I decided that I should start timing them. Or at least making notes. 

At around 6am I sent a text to my mom telling her that I had been having contractions since 1:30am. I told her that I still didn't think this was the real thing, but that I was going to be getting myself and the kids ready for the day just in case. I sent Josh off to work and I took a shower before the kids woke up. I told him that I really didn't think this was *it*, but that I would call him if things got worse. During my 20 minute shower I felt 2 more weak contractions... Ok, they're gonna slow down and go away like usual. I sent a text to my mom telling her what I thought. She said that I was in denial and that she was coming over "just in case". A minute later I got a text from Josh telling me that he was coming home and taking the day off. "Just in case". I told him to please not come home. That it would just be a waste of time. At this point I didn't have a single contraction for a whole hour. I got everyone's hopes up for nothing. I called my mom and told her that it was a false alarm and that josh was coming home so she didn't have to bother coming. 

I posted this on Instagram:

And then a contraction like no other hit. It took me down to my knees in my kitchen. I had to breath through it and I couldn't say anything to the boys. Okaaaay... Maybe this WAS it. 

I called Josh and told him what happened and that maybe he should come home after all. Just in case. I was still thinking that they would stop and it would be yet another false alarm. 

The contractions continued... I called my mom back and told her that Josh was coming home and that we were going to take the kids to her along with their overnight bags. Just in case. 

The car ride was awful! More contractions were coming and a few of them were really intense. It was pretty hard to sit in the car through them. 

After dropping off the kids and their stuff we headed into Josh's work to talk to the front office ladies who were all really excited for us. I told them that I still didn't think this was the real thing and that Josh would be back the next day. They told Josh to take me to an air conditioned mall, feed me lunch and walk with me. It was really hot out that day and some a/c sounded nice. 

I was still timing the contractions...

So we headed to the mall to walk the baby out... While we were there I noticed that Josh had left my hospital bag at my mom's house and we had the boys backpack in the car. Oops. We decided to get something to eat before we headed back over to trade the bags. 

Mmm... We stopped at the new restaraunt there - Five Guys.

It was so good, but there was no way I could finish the whole thing. No one even noticed that I was sitting there having labor contractions... They were getting closer together and more intense. 

After we took the bag back to my mom's house I wanted to head home to try to take a nap. We had been up since 3am and were exhausted. 

Back at home I tried laying down to rest, but I was too uncomfortable to sit still. I was also keeping Josh awake with my tossing and turning. 

I took this right before heading downstairs...

So I went downstairs and starting bouncing on my yoga ball while updating everyone on Facebook. My contractions started picking up all of sudden and the yoga ball just wasn't cutting it any more. I found relief by getting down on my hands and knees and rocking back and forth. With every new contraction I was having to breathe through them and concentrate. They were still about 30 minutes apart. I couldn't imagine how intense they would be when they got closer! These were already barely manageable. I went upstairs to try laying down again. Josh was asleep...but not for long.  

While laying down I had a the most intense contraction and couldn't move. I was moaning so loud that I woke Josh up from his nap. I told him that maybe we should head in to the hospital. Just in case. 

Right before we left, my contractions were suddenly coming 5 minutes apart! Ok, so maybe this WAS it! That last contraction at home was long and so intense. I started thinking about an epidural right then and how badly I wanted one!

Josh rushed me over to the hospital and walked me inside. By this time it was just after 4pm. I signed in and they took me to a triage room to get checked out. Josh left to go park the car in the parking garage and the nurse left me in the room to change into an ugly gown. 

As I was waiting my contractions were continuing to get closer together and so intense. I started panicking because no one was in the room with me. I laid down on the bed and just started moaning through the contractions that kept coming. Finally after what seemed like forever the nurse came back to tell me that a delivery room was being cleaned for me, but wouldn't be ready for a few more minutes. They hadn't even checked me for dilation yet, but I'm guessing that they could tell I was close by the guttural sounds I was making with each wave that came over me. 

As the nurse was asking me question after question Josh walked in and she turned her questions to him since I could no longer answer them. After the million questions, she checked me. 5cm. Yup, I was staying. I was so excited! This was REALLY it! 

Suddenly the contractions got so intense that I was begging for an epidural. I told the nurse that I had already done this naturally with baby #2 and that I wanted the epidural because I couldn't take any more! I was shaking... Apparently going through transition... But I didn't notice. All I knew was that I couldn't take it any more and I wanted relief. By this time it was just before 5pm. My room was finally ready. There was no way I could walk so they wheeled my bed into my delivery room. They asked me to sit up and transfer beds. Yeah right, I thought! After they helped me into the bed I begged them again for the epi... But then the nurse checked me again. 9cm. Holy crap! That was fast! They told me that my doctor was just 10 minutes away. They also informed me that it was too late for an epi and I was too far dilated for any drugs. (That was what I was begging for next.) Yup... It was too late. I started saying that I felt almost ready to push. It was then that my doctor walked in. She just barely made it! She asked the nurse if my water had broken yet. I told them that it hadn't, but they insisted that the triage bed was wet and that it had. Whatever. Don't listen to the pregnant lady. Then I told them that I had to pee! What the heck?! Who has to get up and pee at 10cm?! The doctor told me to just go... Soooo... I did. Josh was cracking up. There is no modesty in child birth. :P 

(Suddenly the lights went out. Seriously?! A blackout during my baby's birth?!)

After I was comfortable again I felt the need to push... As I was pushing my bag of waters popped. 

In my doctors face. 

So not only did I pee in her face, my amniotic fluid got all over her too. I warned them that it didn't break yet! They should have listened! She then got smart and had the nurse put a face shield on her lol. It was a little late though because with that push my baby's head came through. Another tiny push and her shoulders were out and then she slid right out. Omg relief! The ring of fire is no joke... I felt EVERYTHING. Once she was out I felt completely normal again. 

No one announced if my baby was a boy or a girl! I just knew this whole pregnancy that we would end up with boy #4 so I HAD to know! Is she really a girl?! That was the first thing out of my mouth... They held her up and sure enough... A perfect tiny little girl was born at 5:25pm. 

She started nursing within a few minutes of birth. She latched right on and was a perfectly alert nurser. I felt great and was thanking my lucky stars that I arrived too late for an epidural. I was able to get right up out of bed to clean myself off as soon as our first nursing session was done. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing. It was the easiest labor and delivery I've had to date. 

I'm so happy that I got my little girl. We all love and adore her so much. I finally feel like my family is complete. :)

Wednesday (2/20) at 10am I received the phone call I've been not-so-patiently waiting on for weeks! It was the ultrasound people calling to ask me if I could come in at 11:45. I just so happened to be standing in Walmart with my mom and asked her if she could watch the boys for me... she had the whole day off and said YES!

I downed my 32oz of water an hour before the appointment (I swear they love to torture pregnant women!) and headed in. I was trying to contain my excitement because I knew it would be just my luck that they wouldn't be able to confirm the baby's gender yet again. My doctor wasn't able to tell at my 18 week appointment.... Then again, she is no ultrasound tech. ;)

I also knew that they were going to tell me that I was having baby boy #4! And I was going to be so happy to find out that I was going to be a mom of FOUR boys! Since I already have 3 boys I know how awesome it is to be surrounded by them. They each have a very different personality and I was excited to find out what baby boy #4 was going to be like. I also secretly love being the only girl in the house. ;)

Then again, it's not really a secret that I've been dreaming of having a daughter since I was 18. I had her name picked out and everything. Growing up I was the girliest girl ever. I loved all things pink, sparkly and frilly. I played with dolls and Barbies. For Halloween there were several years that I chose to be a princess... one time I even combined 2 of my favorites and I was a Ballerina Princess. I would day dream about doing crafty things with her, pass on my sewing skills, help plan her wedding, be there when she had her first baby.... Of course, I also realized that she could be nothing like me and be a total tom-boy. Either way, I've always wanted a baby girl.

The ultrasound tech called me back and started her exam... well, after I told her that I was going to pee my pants if she didn't let me use the bathroom! She spent about 15 minutes looking at this that and the other thing. All I could think of was, let's see what's between baby's legs!

And then she told me...
Well, it looks like you are finally getting your little girl.

What?!
Are you sure?
You're not joking around with me right?
For real?!
How sure are you?

The tech told me that she checked, checked again and then triple checked. I was definitely having a girl! And then I cried... Big fat tears. I was crying for the "loss" of boy #4 (kinda silly, right? but I did) and at the same time crying because I was in total shock that I was having a girl! I'M HAVING A GIRL! Are you kidding me?! I've been saying to myself and everyone else that I was destined to always be a mom to all boys. Josh and I had even discussed possibly adopting a girl sometime in the future. We just KNEW that we were never going to have a girl...

I walked out with a permanent smile plastered to my face the rest of the day. I just couldn't believe that our last baby was going to be a girl!

Then I headed to Target.

That place is evil...
It was evil when I didn't have any kids.
It was evil when I was a mom to all boys.
And now it's even more evil because I can officially buy anything and everything in that store!

I walked out of there with these:

Plus one sleeper not pictured and a package of socks for me lol.
I had to show some serious restraint in there!

And for just a moment I walked over to the newborn baby boy stuff and said a little goodbye since I won't have the chance to buy any of it this time around. Made me think of my 3 boys when they were teeny tiny and all the adorable stuff I bought for them. I know it sounds so silly, but a little part of me was seriously mourning the "loss" of what I had imagined was going to be our 4th boy.
I quickly got distracted though... pink, purple, ruffle butts, dresses, skirts!
I'M HAVING A GIRL!

That name that I had picked out all those years ago (11 to be exact) is finally going to be used. Thankfully, when I told Josh the name he fell in love with it too! Her middle name is after my Grandma. :)

We can't wait to meet you Ashlyn Louise Stoddard!