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My Head Is Spinning

I just want things to go back to normal! Especially for my mom, sister, brother-in-law, niece and brother. Things have been so messed up and up in the air since Christmas Eve... I have so much on my mind that I don't even remember what I wrote about in my last post. Just bare with me if I end up repeating myself.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned what happened on Christmas eve. I suppose I'll give a little background info and more details on what's going on.

My mom and step dad have been together for 15 years, married for 12. Right before they got married my mom bought a house. The house is only in her name. (So grateful for that right now!) They didn't have any joint bank accounts. (Because of him really messing up his credit long before they met he can never get a bank account...) For the past several years he has been working far from home. There's really not that much work here in San Diego for a union carpenter. It seems like most of the work is in nearby Las Vegas. So he has been living out there for the past 12+ months. (He had been living in Las Vegas the whole time I was staying at their house when I was going through my divorce.) Every several months my mom would fly there or he would drive home to visit.

On the Saturday before Christmas he drove home because he went on disability for some work related injury. Apparently when he called my mom he said he was coming home on Wednesday. She convinced him to stay there and come home on Saturday. My moms reasoning was that she wanted a chance to clean the house top to bottom before he came home.She didn't have a day off til Friday. Anyone who knows Hans knows that he would have FLIPPED out if the house was a mess when he came home. She knew that he would have been in a bad mood the whole time he was there if he came home and found the house a mess. HE looked at the whole thing with suspicion.

Christmas Eve while we were all out in the front room he was in his room going through cell phone records. He found that my mom and some unknown number had been texting back and forth for about month. It was some guy that she knows at work. After talking to my mom about it I know that she NEVER cheated on my step dad. She's just not that kind of person. She had become friends with this guy at work and they were sending each other stupid messages back and forth. Sure, there was flirting involved, but definitely NO cheating and nothing beyond text messages. He didn't even let my mom explain anything. He assumed she was cheating. There was no changing his mind. She told me that she does feel bad about the texting and she even told this guy that he needed to stop doing it because she didn't think it was right. (That was about 3 weeks ago.)

I still can't believe he flew off the handle over some text messages!

The past few days have been a blur. Is it really Monday today?

The day after Christmas (or maybe it was ON Christmas) my mom brought the cops with her to the house because she needed to get a few things. He had barricaded the doors so no one could get inside the house. He was refusing to let my mom (or anyone else) inside the house. The cops were no help. They said they couldn't do anything without a court order. He had a right to be there... (How about my mom's right to her things?!)

My step dad has continued to harass her all weekend with nasty text messages and phone calls. I told my mom to stop answering her phone! He threatened to have her cell phone shut off. He did for about 12 hours... then he had it turned back on because how else could he continue to harass her? He called her one night and left a creepy voicemail saying, "Just wanted to tell you something... You need to watch yourself so you don't get buuuuurned." I listened to it. It was creepy and I could hear the hatred in his voice.

Oh yeah, prior to her leaving he stole all of her credit cards, debit cards, medical card, driver's license, cash, etc etc... Took it right out of her purse!

On the 26th he ended up calling me... I was sitting at my dad's house getting ready to celebrate Camron's birthday with the family.

He asked me if I knew what was going on. I played dumb. He went on with this sob story about how my mom did him wrong... blah blah blah... I sat and listened. I listened until he told me, "I went to her work with all of my proof because I'm trying to get her fired." Ooooo wow. I felt a jolt of adrenaline rush through me. I was LIVID! I went off on him like I have never done before. I started cussing. F this and F that... and I don't normally cuss. I think I said something along the lines of...

"No! F*** YOU! Listen to me now! I don't care if my mom cheated on you or not! You DO NOT F*** with her job! That is her lifeline and you don't F*** with that just because you have an F***ing broken heart! She needs her job to continue on with the life that YOU are deciding to leave! She didn't F***ing choose this! YOU DID!"

I was practically screaming at my phone. Some where in there he hung up on me so I don't know how much he heard. Oh man, I was so mad. During the phone call everyone in the house dropped their jaws when they saw me walk outside cussing away at him. The only thing that was said when I walked back in was. "Wow, babe. That was hot!" Thank goodness for Josh. LOL.

Later that same night I took my mom and brother to go get 2 phone lines on my account. Now he can't hang that over my mom's head any more. I was hoping that he wouldn't be able to find out the new number... but he did. My mom was playing around with her new phone and she sent a text from her new one to her old one.... At 5am the next morning she got a call from Hans on the new phone. He had been monitoring her cell phone usage this whole time! He noticed a new number so he called it trying to find out what she's been doing and who she's been calling! Wow....

If you're still reading this I just want to say thank you. I know I'm kind of all over the place....

Hans is trying everything in his power to make my mom's life absolutely miserable. He has threatened suicide. He had threatened to trash the house. He has threatened to vandalize her car by spray painting the word Whore on it. He called to make a formal complaint against her at her job. Telling them that he plans to sue because he is a victim in all of this. (He says it's her work's fault for letting these 2 people manage to have an affair.) He has threatened to kill the guy that was texting her. He has called and told everyone who will listen what a whore my mom is... including our Bishop at Church!

Yesterday he took things one step further. He stole her car from work! He drove his niece over to her work and gave her the car keys to drive it out of the parking lot. Again, the police were NO help. Since he's the primary owner and my mom is the co-signer on the car and they're married he's allowed to let anyone he wants to drive it.

When she got off work last night her, my brother, Josh and I went over to the house to see if he was still there. No sign of him or the trailer that used to be parked in the driveway. All of the contents of my mom's car was piled up in the driveway. So they have control of the house once again.... Although I doubt it's even close to being over with. I'm still waiting to hear from my mom to see how things went today.

Hopefully I'll get around to posting Christmas pictures tomorrow....
5 Responses
  1. Good grief. This is craziness. From my point of view it sounds like he needs serious medical intervention. He is a menace to society and a possible harm to himself or your mother. I'm glad you are blogging about this because it is documentation for the courts down the road.


  2. I am so sorry for you and your family. It sounds like he has lost his mind! Did she save any threatening voice or text messages? The cops shoudl respond to that? Again, I am so sorry about this over the holidays! I hope things settle down and that jerk goes away!


  3. I have added you to LDS Listings. THANKS!


  4. I have added you to LDS Listings. THANKS!


  5. Morgan Says:

    I am so sorry that this has happened over the holidays. I would like to include your family in my prayers if that is ok with you. It is wonderful that you are being such a great support for your mom through this situation.